Book Report #211 Adrift

Adrift by Tami Oldham Ashcraft

This is the incredible true story of young lovebirds Tami and Richard sailing a yacht from Tahiti to San Diego during hurricane season in the 80s. It's been made into a movie that I haven't seen.

Tragedy strikes when they are deep in a hurricane in the Pacific, and Richard is lost at sea. Tami has to keep herself together when she wakes up with a deep gash in her forehead and finds him missing, as well as their mast. Her story of survival is amazing, and it's interwoven with tales from her beautiful romance with Richard before the voyage.

Tami is honest and real in her accounts of everything that happened, and we should be honored that she trusts us with so much of her story. She's brave in every sense of the word.

General consensus: Gripping, heartbreaking, and life-changing.

Book Report #194 - Orange Is the New Black

Orange Is the New Black by Piper Kerman

I had no idea it was a book before it was a hit show until I came across it on my library app. Since I can't handle how raw the show is, I was delighted to discover I could instead read Piper's story about her time in prison, and get it straight from the source.

Piper Kerman came from a high-achieving WASP family on the East Coast. She went to a liberal arts college for women, and dabbled in loving the ladies. Upon graduation, she was bored and lost, and found herself taking up with her exotic and adventurous neighbor, Nora. That took her on a wild ride of international drug trading and money laundering, where the reader is left wondering what the hell she's doing because nothing can explain away how clearly batshit crazy it is. There's no way to hide that she's out of her mind and going to get in serious trouble, no matter how many times she says she wasn't really clear on what was going on and this is the very type of thing lost college grads can find themselves falling into.

She ended up serving fifteen months in prison ten months after she walked away from it all. When the Feds finally come calling, she's a high-achieving WASP like her family would expect, and she's also on the straight and narrow, in a committed relationship with a nice man named Larry.

Piper wasn't the typical prisoner and got plenty of second looks from both prisoners and prison staff. Not only did she look different, but her friends and family loaded her up with books that were falling out of her cell locker. The thing that bothered me was she seemed to identify with it. She really believed she wasn't like the others. I wanted to scream.

Then something shifted in her. Deep into her sentence, she really opened up and she got it. Her transformation was beautiful to read, and her work for female prisoners' rights these days deserves a standing ovation.

Fun fact: Martha Stewart was sentenced while Piper was in prison and she was supposed to go to Piper's prison, Danbury, but at the last minute was sent somewhere else.

General consensus: An interesting but also educational read about the US prison system.

Book Report #191 - The Surrender Experiment

The Surrender Experiment: My Journey Into Life's Perfection by Michael A. Singer

I'm a fan of Singer's The Untethered Soul, so I was delighted to find his memoir on my shelf. We started with Singer, aka Mickey, in grad school for economics when he had an experience that led him to need to know how to quiet the voice in his head--the one that chatters incessantly that we all have. He started meditating heavily and ended up buying a five acre parcel in the woods where he could devote the bulk of his time to meditation.

It was there that he began the surrender experiment, which meant he would no longer be run by that voice in his head. Instead, he would go with the flow of life, no matter what it brought. He would no longer be ruled by his likes and dislikes.

This led to a series of events that Mickey could not have predicted in his wildest dreams: people kept coming to his land and eventually established a temple there, he taught meditation to prisoners for decades, he started a successful construction company, and he was responsible for a computer programming company that eventually was worth over a billion dollars. Plus, the five acre parcel morphed into 175 acres over the years, and the money from the businesses paid for it all.

Mickey kept his thesis prominent that all this was possible because he surrendered and went with the flow of the universe.

He even maintained this when his computer business went to hell and all the executives were indicted for kickbacks and fraud. It was a seven year ordeal, and after paying a penalty, Mickey was allowed to walk free. He said that the experience was further practice in surrender.

This is all a nice story wrapped up with a bow, so that makes me wonder a bit. There were two parts that especially had me confused. One was when his friend, the "spiritual master" Amrit Desai, was allowed to hide out at Mickey's property for three years after his scandal broke out. Mickey glossed over it as a mistake in Amrit's past. When I looked it up, it was a major transgression that Amrit had been actively doing for years. That broke some of the trust I had with Mickey.

The other part that made me uncomfortable was when Mickey quickly explained that paying the penalty for his case was no big deal and he didn't mind parting with the money. When I looked it up, he'd paid $2.5 million. It struck me that that deserved more than a casual remark in his book.

The one other thing that leaves me befuddled is that early in the book he says he married and had a daughter. Yet, we never hear about the daughter again, nor much about his wife. Why? I guess because we thought we'd be more interested in the trajectory of his career but for such a spiritual person, I find it odd that career seemed to come before family. I hope that's not the case and it was simply a misunderstanding.

General consensus: The main themes are helpful but I'm somewhat skeptical of the details of his life.

Book Report #189 - Below Stairs

Below Stairs: The Classic Kitchen Maid's Memoir That Inspired "Upstairs, Downstairs" and "Downton Abbey by Margaret Powell

In late 1800s England, Margaret's family was busting at the seams of their rooms--they couldn't afford to rent an entire apartment--so Margaret knew it was time to become a house servant where her room and board would be taken care of. At age 14 she took the job of a kitchen maid, and worked from 5:30am to 8pm, scrubbing with her bare hands, serving the upstairs and downstairs, and doing every dirty job no one else wanted to do.

At least a kitchen maid can work her way up to cook, which is one of the best jobs a house servant can have. However, that was not Margaret's end goal. Rather, she wanted to get married and get out of the work altogether.

Thankfully, both goals were achieved, but not before we got a look into the lives of the people upstairs in the various houses she worked at. None were the same. My favorite was the job she took as a cook in the oceanside town of Hove, where the lady of the house was an Italian diva who never failed to entertain, whether it be with her version of a face lift or her never-ending parade of young men.

Margaret's narrative provides an opportunity to reflect on the divide between rich and poor, and its ethical implications. It doesn't seem much has changed.

General consensus: An easily consumable look into the lives of house servants in turn of the century England.

Book Report #184 - Changing My Mind

Changing My Mind by Margaret Trudeau

I caught Canadian fever last summer and bought this book. I was seduced by the idea of learning about how Margaret lived with bipolar disorder while married to Canada's Prime Minster, Pierre Trudeau. She was in her early twenties and he was as old as her mother. Hand me the popcorn. This stuff is riveting.

But damnit. She didn't hold up her end of the bargain. She kept playing the victim and asking for sympathy when I was hoping to God she would knock it off and give me something I could work with. Of course it's sad that she suffered from bipolar disorder. And it is difficult to be the Prime Minster's wife, especially as a young adult when he can't relate to that at all. But lady, you made your bed. Having an affair with one of the Kennedy's isn't a solution (she knew that but whoa, that error did not help her case).

Margaret struggled to make sense. For example, numerous times she'd lament her fate as a lonely woman locked in the Prime Minister's house with no friends, and then she'd immediately tell a story about something that happened to a good friend of hers. I had whiplash. I also struggled as she said at least three times that Fidel Castro was a good friend of hers. NO. I have boundaries.

It's super sad that her son, Justin's brother, died in an avalanche. That heartache sticks with me. And I am glad she sorted out her mental disorder, gave up her addiction to marijuana, and did something positive with her life by being an advocate for mental health. At least there's that.

General consensus: WTF.

Book Report #178 Hillbilly Elegy

Hillbilly Elegy: A Memoir of a Family and Culture in Crisis by J.D. Vance

J.D. tells the story of how he went from rural Kentucky to Middletown, Ohio to Yale Law School. He's beautifully vulnerable about his experiences and open about all aspects of hillbilly culture. There's the fierce loyalty his family members have for each other, as well as extreme poverty and addiction. He explains that there are hard-working folk living alongside lazy complainers and addicts. J.D. shows that there are different types of white people living in this country, and they shouldn't all be painted with the same brush.

This point is clearly made when J.D. reaches Yale Law School, and is playing a game on a totally different level; one where he has absolutely no experience. By appearance, he belongs there. But by upbringing, he's lost.

I remember my friend telling me how hard it is for poor white men to advance in society. J.D. reflected on how easily he could have been a cautionary tale, if things had just gone a little differently. Instead, he married a beautiful woman from his law school, built a successful career, and was loved through his growth out of his explosive hillbilly tendencies.

General consensus: A rare raw look at life as a hillbilly, this one with a very happy ending. Highly thought-provoking.

Book Report #175 Love Warrior

Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle Melton

This is a memoir where Glennon writes about how she numbed her sensitivity to the world with bulimia, alcohol, drugs, and sex.

I wasn't really into for awhile because it felt like she unnecessarily was talking about herself a lot, and sharing things that were far too intimate about herself and her boyfriend. But then she got pregnant and decided to have the baby, and things shifted.

She knew she had to clean up her life and she did. It was like she hit a switch. She and her boyfriend got married, and raised a family together.

Her husband was like a golden boy, and she had him on a pedestal. Of course, he fell off it. He also suffered from addiction and Glennon eventually found out. Her world fell apart, and she had to decide what to do.

This period is the main point of the book. Glennon hit rock bottom, and had to face all kinds of things she'd rather avoid, like betrayal and pain. She didn't shy away from the discomfort and take refuge in her addictions of the past. She stayed with it, and was raw and exposed. She had to keep a brave front for her children but she was a mess.

Since she stayed open, she had profound spiritual experiences and grew in love. It's a beautiful journey to witness.

General consensus: Hits you right in the feels and stays with you.

Book Report #170 - Disrupted

Disrupted: My Misadventure in the Start-Up Bubble by Dan Lyons

Dan Lyons was a big-shot at Newsweek until the Internet disrupted his industry and he was let go.  He was 52 when he started looking for a new job, and ended up taking a position at HubSpot in Boston. HubSpot appeared to be a promising marketing startup where the cofounders were excited to have him on board.

He took the position based on the promise that he would be doing exciting work that suited him. Yet on day one, nobody knew what to do with him and the cofounders were nowhere to be found.

He discovered that the company was comprised mostly of twenty-year olds fresh out of college who all looked like they were cut from the same mold. He was twice the age of the average HubSpot employee. They were happy to drink the Kool-Aid and be ambassadors of the company culture. They were proud of their candy wall, and sported the orange branded garb that they were given. They were enthusiastic, and threw around acronyms and the word awesome constantly.

For Dan, it was a bit of a creepy place and it was obvious he didn't fit in. But he had to make it work because his family depended on his salary and benefits.

Dan describes in detail how companies like HubSpot operate at large losses but still make plenty of money for the people on top. It's the VC game and everyone's looking to IPO. The dramatic element to the story is: will HubSpot IPO before Dan is gone?

I had some reservations about how Dan would unabashedly call his young coworkers dumb. But I did go on the HubSpot website and verify a lot of what he said. All the pictures are of young white people hanging out and having fun. I would also be driven nuts by that. It's work! Why should people be paid to hang out and why is that such a priority? And wtf is going on with the total disregard for diversity?

As a software developer, I found it difficult to believe I was getting a balanced picture of Silicon Valley when Dan had no insight into what it's like to be an engineer, even though he's one of the writers of the HBO show Silicon Valley.

It's a quick, easy read but I was surprised at the editorial mistakes I found. Words spelled incorrectly. Date inconsistencies. It's like this book was rushed to the press.

General consensus: Worth the read but obviously heavily biased.

Book Report #165 - Between the World and Me

Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

Coates writes a letter to his son reflecting on what it is to be Black in America. It's only 150 pages, but I had to read it slowly over a month because it was so dense with insights that got right into the fabric of my being. They broke me open, and it was painful. I wanted to hide sometimes but I knew there was no way but through. If I want to be fully compassionate, I need to hear these things and let them touch me.

I didn't know about the fear that many black people feel because they have endured a history of horrible violence, and I didn't know how that fear informed so much of their behavior that I have been hopeless to understand. I didn't know that the lyrics of many rap songs that I listen to without a second thought hold the blueprints of this fear. A quarter of the way through the book, I listened to Changes by TuPac and cried.

Now, when I think about the US Prison System, I am enraged. I see how it is designed to hold Blacks and Hispanics down. I understand more about why Senator Booker's work on changing the prison system is so important to him.

The book doesn't leave you with a sense of hope like a Disney movie would. There's no way to wrap up what Coates has said with a pretty bow. Isn't it up to us, what happens next?

I so appreciate Coates writing this and sharing it with the world. It's like he's found the language that can't help but get through to people, gently but forcefully. I definitely needed this wake-up call, and I'll think of his words often, maybe every day.

General consensus: Life can be broken up into two parts: The time before you read Between the World and Me, and the time after you read it. It is that transformative.

Book Report #151 - This Is the Story of a Happy Marriage

This Is the Story of a Happy Marriage by Ann Patchett

Ann Patchett is the beloved author of Bel Canto, a book so beautiful that I put it on my short list of all time favorites. She's a celebrated contemporary author. I always thought she honed her writing skills at the Iowa Writer's College and then went off to write novels. Turns out she wrote articles for Seventeen, and then graduated to more mature magazines. That's how she paid the bills until she "made it."

This Is the Story of a Happy Marriage is a collection of essays she's written over the years, most previously published, some fleshed out because word count was no longer important. I was surprised to find they all featured Ann, considering I was used to her novels and only got to know her through her memoir about her best friend, Truth and Beauty.

My favorite essay was The Sacrament of Divorce, a touching story of forgiveness that features the ending of Ann's first marriage. My second favorite was This Is the Story of a Happy Marriage, about her second marriage to a kind doctor who dearly loves her. It's funny how when you stop fighting and resign yourself to what is in front of you, you sometimes find that it's exactly what you never thought you could dream of having. And that what you wanted was more simple than you ever let yourself believe. But Ann imparts all that with more eloquence than I probably can ever hope to have.

There are plenty of interesting essays here, and I appreciated the order of them. They carried the book well. Don't miss The Wall about Ann trying out for the LAPD! It's gold.

General consensus: A pleasant and thought-provoking journey.

Book Report #135 Fit, Fifty and Fired Up

Fit, Fifty and Fired Up by Nigel Marsh

I stumbled across Nigel's Fat, Forty and Fired a few years ago, I think at the library, and I loved it. I can't remember the details of it now, but Nigel is hilarious. He has a good heart and is honest about how he trips through life. His dedication to sorting out a proper work-life balance is inspiring and useful.

When he emailed me (I guess I'd emailed him at some point to tell him how much I'd loved his book) to let me know that Fit, Fifty and Fired Up was about to be released, I knew I had to read it. And obviously, I'm biased. The author emailed me! I'm practically a rock star now, and I owe him all the thanks in the world for that.

But he went a step further. When I tried to purchase the book on Amazon, I discovered that it was not available in paperback. And I don't have an eReader (Luddite tendencies). I promptly emailed Nigel to report my dismay, and he promptly responded that he'd have one shipped out to me. !!! I read it within two days of receiving it.

Fit, Fifty and Fired Up is a series of ruminations and stories that come to Nigel as he's turning fifty and looking to set some goals for the next decade. He's father to four fired up kids, and husband to a beautiful wife. They all moved from England to Australia and seem to be enjoying their time down under. Nigel's parents and brother are back in the UK, and there are some touching tales of him calling his father with Alzheimer's. Really sweet stuff.

Nigel's put in many years in corporate advertising, but every once in awhile he gets the urge to change things up, take a year off and devote himself to the real priorities in life, like family. That happens once again in this book. He doesn't claim to have all the answers (or probably any, if you really pushed him), and he always admits his mistakes.

I loved reading about his car rides with family, his various goals, like losing weight, and his devotion to the freedom of nude swimming. I don't know a more articulate way to say: he's a very interesting person. And you can catch him on TED talking about work life balance!

Nigel, the only thing I'd say that's a slight criticism of your book is that I didn't get to know more about your wife Kate's good qualities. The picture of you two at the end is so endearing. I want to know her for more than her Armenian good-byes, vodka tonic requests and wandering shopping trips.

General consensus: This book is a smile and a sigh of relief because we're all in this thing called life together. Nigel reminds us that there's no perfect way to do it. We all make mistakes but let's do our best and try to remember to enjoy ourselves along the way.

Book Report #131 - Sacred Hoops

Sacred Hoops: Spiritual Lessons of a Hardwood Warrior by Phil Jackson

This is the best book by PJ I've ever read. That is not saying much. I've only read one other, The Last Season. That one was dry, and really the only thing that kept me interested was how much he detested Kobe.

Sacred Hoops is another story. It's more of a memoir about growing up and basketball through the Jordan era. And now I get why his writing is dry--the guy is from North Dakota! I wouldn't expect someone from those parts to write with too much sentimentality.

He talks about  how he was raised in a hard-core Christian family, and what effect that had on him long-term. It's very revealing and honest. He shares a lot about spirituality and how he came to see that basketball only works when it's done with a team mentality rather than fragmented individuals running around trying to win games. If you want to win, you have to play as a team, and that's where the famous triangle-offense comes in.

General consensus: I learned a ton about PJ, life and basketball, and I think I'll read it again one day. Definitely recommend it to all sports fans.

Book Report #124 - Born Standing Up

Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life by Steve Martin

I love Steve Martin for Father of the Bride. But then again, I just love Steve Martin. There's something about him....his off-beat, often earnest humor. Now I know he didn't come out of the womb that way. He put in 10,000+ hours to get as good as he is.

Born Standing Up is the fascinating story of Martin's life up to the end of his stand-up comedy career. Did you know that he spent his childhood perfecting his magic act that he later used in shows along with his banjo? Or that he worked at Disneyland and then at Knott's Berry Farm? There is so much to read about and be amazed at, especially his heyday on the road when his loneliness was at its peak.

General consensus: Enlightening, engrossing and sometimes laugh-out-loud funny.

Book Report #118 - Mother Warriors

Mother Warriors: A Nation of Parents Healing Autism Against All Odds by Jenny McCarthy

I didn't know until earlier this year that autism could be reversed. I was curious to learn more so I picked up this book and got rocked.

Jenny's son got autism right after a vaccination but doctors disregarded the connection. She had to fight every step of the way to make her son better and she had to fight to share her story. She has so much to say and there's so much for us to learn.

Kid's can get better from autism and it should be common knowledge. The stories of these mother warriors touched my heart and by the end of the book I was crying. It's such a difficult battle but imagine getting breast cancer on top of it or not having the support of your spouse or actually losing your child.

General consensus: Life-changing.

Book Report #111 - Damn the Rejections, Full Speed Ahead

Damn the Rejections, Full Speed Ahead: The Bumpy Road to Getting Published by Maralys Wills

Written by a lifelong genre hopper, this book is half memoir, half writing guide. My friend lent it to me with the highest praise but I couldn't get a fire under my butt to read another book on writing. When I finally cracked it open I couldn't shut it again. It was just so fun and full of such important information.

General consensus: Every writer should read this book. I'm now buying my own copy so I can keep it on my shelf.

Book Report #110 - My Life in France

My Life in France by Julia Child

I ate this up like it was one of her delicious meals. Julia had an intoxicating joie de vivre. I loved reading about her move to France with her husband Paul and how she developed an obsession with French cooking. I felt like I'd lived in France with her and was as intense a fan of it as she was.

She wrote about going to school at Le Cordon Bleu and then teaching her own classes. She had an amazing social life in Paris and I couldn't get enough. I was sad when she had to move to Marseilles because her husband was given a new station by the US government. At that point she was working feverishly on Mastering The Art of French Cooking, a book I never thought I'd read but am now hungering to.

Julia poured everything she had into writing that book. It took her years even with the help of her partner, Simca. She tested everything repeatedly to find the simplest and most effective ways to make the best food in the world and knew she had a classic on her hands if she just kept at it.

Her road to publication was rocky but highly entertaining. Her moves around Europe only made her more interesting as she kept her drive no matter what the location or the kitchen. I loved her introduction to television and then her contributions to it. I loved everything as long as she was talking about it.

Now when I putter around the kitchen I hear her disappointing titter and I giggle.

General consensus: This was a great read about success by a woman who not only mastered French cooking, but mastered the ability to appreciate life as it came. She is my new role model.

Book Report #108 - Julie & Julia

Julie and Julia: My Year of Cooking Dangerously by Julie Powell

Who can resist a movie trailer with Amy Adams flailing around in the kitchen and Meryl Streep playing a delightful Julia Child? I can't wait for it to hit the theaters so I picked up the book at Target.

Julie, a 29 year-old resident of Long Island City, decides to do all 524 recipes in Julia Child's Mastering The Art of French Cooking. This is a true story. She's not sure her marriage will survive it.

Sometimes it was trying reading about her crummy apartment that was always filthy and wading through her talking herself down all the time and having conniptions but overall I really enjoyed it. It was laugh-out-loud funny and difficult to put down. Plus, I learned a lot about cooking and enjoyed living vicariously through her evisceration of various animals as I'm sure I'll never have the courage to do it myself.

General consensus: I'm passing it on to a friend and I still can't wait for the movie.

Book Report #107 - I'm Proud of You

I'm Proud of You: My Friendship with Fred Rogers by Tim Madigan

When I bought this I didn't know Fred Rogers was Mr. Rogers from Mr. Rogers' Neighbhorhood. I didn't know anything about Mr. Rogers except that my mom couldn't stand his show and that there was a rumor going around that he'd had a dishonorable discharge from the military. I wish I'd known sooner what a beautiful human being he was.

Tim Madigan is a journalist who had the good fortune of interviewing Mr. Rogers years ago. That interview blossomed into a lifelong friendship. There is little more beautiful to me than grown men sharing deep platonic love and theirs brought me to tears more than once.

It was so intimate that Tim shared the trouble that had been brewing in him since he was young. He felt limited and frustrated in life because his father had never been proud of him. He asked Mr. Rogers if he would be proud of him in a letter. Of course he would. Mr. Rogers signed off most of his correspondence from there on out "IPOY" (I'm proud of you.)

Mr. Rogers really was as wonderful as he was portrayed on his show. He was there for Tim when Tim's brother was dying of cancer and with the entire family throughout the ordeal offering his support and suffering right along with them.

When Mr. Rogers finally passed he did so quiety so as not to draw attention to himself even though he was in excruciating pain from stomach cancer. He is a great mentor who will live forever through his legacy.

General consensus: This book made me a better person and I believe everyone can benefit from reading it. (I now sign off IPOY in the intimate correspondence I have with one of my greatest friends.)

Book Report #98 - Fat, Forty and Fired

Fat, Forty, Fired: One Man's Frank, Funny, and Inspiring Account of Losing His Job and Finding His Life by Nigel Marsh

Nigel tells the story of having an ego-fluffing job in London along with a family that includes four children--two sons and twin girls--and an amazing, patient wife Kate. They are relocated to Sydney, Australia due to Nigel's work. Nigel couldn't love the city more. It is a miraculous change from dreary London but then he loses his job.

It is a choice. He is so wound up he decides to take a year off and spend time with the family. At first it reminded me of Bridget Jones. Nigel had the same British disgust in himself and same misguided attempt to bring himself out of the wreckage he'd made his life but then something changed. He found joy. It was a slow but sure process. Reminded me more of Jerry Maguire in the end.

Nigel never reaches perfection but his journey to better himself is inspiring and laugh-out-loud funny. I enjoyed every minute of it.

General consensus: Fantastic.

Book Report #77 - On Writing

On Writing by Stephen King

At the Santa Barbara Writers Conference I was told I had to read this. It wasn't given an option. Since there's nothing I like more than being told exactly what to do I bought it and read it.

The first section, C.V., now salsa-spattered so you know I read it with gusto, was not fair. King has the charisma of ten people. The story of his childhood was as joyous as Bill Bryson's in The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid. His honesty about his alcoholism was stunning and his ride to publication thrilling.

Then it kind of fell off for me. I appreciate that he went through the mechanics of writing as thoroughly as he did but I just have this thing where I don't like talking about the process of writing. I'd rather just write. Actually, King feels the same way. He was just trying to impart some knowledge to beginning writers who were asking for it.

The last section covered his brush with death when he was run over by a bus. What a bitch that was. It was a nice, albeit horrifying, peek into this larger-than-life writer's life.

General consensus: You have to read it for the first chapter. Then use what you can of the rest.